By Sarai Tave; Singles & Relationship Coach.
What does it mean to be single in today's world...?
It seems that in today's world dating has become this impossible game to win. As much as
we try, we always end up "losing" the big game. So we have come to the decision to stay
single and live our lives to our best potential. Whether you have made the decision
consciously or forcibly (he/she will show up I promise!) this is not the end of the world. As a
matter of fact, this is the beginning of an amazing time in your life if you have the right
Let me begin with stating this:
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
Whew, ok now that that is out my system lets continue…
If you still have not found someone, it doesn’t mean that your life is doomed. Take this
time to enjoy the beauty of learning how to be alone and independent. So, what makes a
successful single you ask?…well let’s begin.
LET GO OF STIGMA
Let’s begin by letting go of the stigma of being single. Being single is not a death sentence, and it doesn’t mean that you are lonely or that something is wrong with you. Do not let
patriarchal mentality take over your thoughts.
Being single is actually on trend now and you should enjoy it! Did you know that there are over 300 million people on this planet, and
counting, who are happily single in this moment, so you are not alone (no pun intended).
Use this time to take control of your life and fully acknowledge all the challenges you are
currently facing and come up with a game plan to overcome them. This will allow you to
have a positive mindset thru this time in your life.
DEFINE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE
Buy a journal or make notes in your phone and describe and define the type of person you want to be. Once you have that, then set a goal of acting accordingly to those traits. For
example, you want to be a fun single then find fun activities to do. If you want to be an
artistic single, then find artistic activities to do. I do hear that art shows are the best place to
meet a potential partner by the way.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE LONELINESS
Even though its hard you must acknowledge the loneliness in your life, but do not let it
define who you are. Find out what triggers the feeling of loneliness and avoid those situations. You can also plan ahead so you are prepared for when that wave of feelings comes thru.
Don’t think of this experience as loneliness, but rather enjoy this time with
yourself as you might not have it once you are in a relationship. Learn how to overcome your fears of solitude, and don't let them consume your thoughts and life.
DEVELOP A SENSE OF PURPOSE
Finding our passions puts us in a positive mindset. Think of things that you enjoy doing.
What are you good at? What do you truly want your life to be about? Find that passion and
run with it, fill your life with it and see how in that passion you'll end up finding that person
you have been searching for.
CHANGE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF
When negative thoughts and feelings start to crawl into your headspace it is important that
you have tools to help you cope with these. Use tools such as a gratitude journal so you can
keep track of all the amazing things you already have. You can also keep a love inventory
of all the places, things and people that bring love into your life every day. There’s also
scrap-booking and or vision boards that will have the same effect and will keep you present in the moment.
At the same time, you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your family. Make new
friends and maintain healthy relationships with current ones. Continue to have healthy
boundaries in your life and remove any person that does not support you in your new
This does not mean that you are going to become a religious person. Spirituality is not
religion. Finding yourself in this new single life, and accepting it requires you to be true and
honest in every aspect, and having faith that there is something bigger than you working in
your favor. When you become vulnerable with yourself and accept every part of you just as
you are, you allow the many blessings of this amazing universe to come to you just like you
asked for them.
TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH
You and only you are responsible for yourself, your mental health, and your physical health.
You need to break those bad habits of grabbing takeout every night, not exercising, being
consumed by work, etc. Find an activity that you really enjoy and disconnects you from the
world and its nuances, and it allows you to be one with yourself for a moment. Gift yourself
anything special when you meet your goals, be kind to yourself in how you speak to
yourself. Lead an active healthy lifestyle. You want to look your best (yes unfortunately
looks still matter when it comes to dating) and be your best for when that partner shows up
in your life.
Now this one is for the men in particular; being emotionally available is a big factor in
today’s modern dating world. So, take this time to work on your mental health both your
body and your soul will appreciate it, and you will see how this will be of big benefit to you
in your future relationships whether they are romantic or not.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES
Just like your mental and physical health, it is your responsibility to take care of your
finances. Ask these questions to yourself:
What does your financial security mean to you?
Do you want to live paycheck to paycheck, or do you want to have extra money to splurge on nice things and vacations?
How do you feel about money?
Once you have the answers to those questions create a workable plan to reach those goals
and to grant you the peace of mind that you need in your life.
TURN YOUR HOME INTO A PLACE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Let your home be an extension of you and who you are. Ask yourself how you want to feel
in this space and make it that. You want to be in a home that makes you feel proud, a home
that suits all of your needs, a home where you feel comfortable to be in every day.
DO THINGS ALONE
Never be apologetic for doing things alone. Take yourself out to dinner enjoy your own
The point of it is to enjoy being with yourself! Go on a solo vacation, there's so much freedom and you learn so much about yourself when you travel solo. You have a free schedule of coming and going at your own leisure and to do what you are really interested in. Check out local events, listen to music, catch up on a book, catch up on a series,
whatever you want the world is yours!
So, my dearest single I invite you to see how amazing life as a single can be.
This could be the best time in your life, it just really depends on you and how you want to move forward with it.
If you are in need of creating goals reach out to me; let’s talk about creating an amazing
life for you, and set you up to success both in your single life and your future relationship.
Love & Light,
Singles & Relationship Coach.
References: "The Art of Living Alone and Loving It" by Jane Mathews